Back To Library

Coming to the Wood - Helena H tells her story of a disappointing flood and the unfurling revelations which followed

In this reflective piece, Helena shares her unconventional journey with iboga, from initial skepticism to deep transformation. Despite early disappointment when her flood experience didn't match expectations, she describes how the wood's teachings emerged gradually over time, bringing unexpected insights and deeper connections in her relationships.

Coming to the Wood - Helena H tells her story of a disappointing flood and the unfurling revelations which followed - Featured image

Written by Helena H.

With less than a year before turning 40, I couldn’t claim that my life was settled. Self diagnosed and unmedicated ADHD, radical politics, and a repressed upbringing were not conducive to a settled life, but I was holding down full time work (albeit often for not longer than any two year period) and have been in a long term relationship for more than 15 years. I thought that I knew myself quite well and, although constant change is part of life, I didn’t think much more could be done about ME. I had attempted therapy with a person but found it required the ability to commit timewise, or have sufficient funds to go private, and was often inadequate, unsatisfying, and even outright re-traumatising.

I would not call myself particularly spiritual. My interests align more with the political. However, I am open to the belief that modern science does not hold all the answers and that older knowledge, knowledge which has been sidelined in favour of modern science, has information for those willing to seek it.

Someone I trust and love, who has experience with journeying and working with Iboga, spoke to me about their experiences. The guiding and teaching nature of the wood, the way that it can wait for you to be ready for it, and its ability to connect with you were all descriptions that generated curiosity, anticipation, and hope.

I was led through an Iboga flood in Summer 2023. I won’t talk much about the ceremony as each person’s experience is their own, however after washing naked in my back garden, dancing, and creating a space to perform the ceremony (which was to take place over a 48 hour period) I fell asleep for most of the time with the wood! This led to many feelings of disappointment. There was shame that I had failed and wasted the experience somehow, loss of hope about what I was to have learned, and even some rejection, feeling the wood did not find me worthy. This felt especially true after trying a microdosing course later that year and finding it too overwhelming, often finding myself needing to cry or shut down.

I don’t feel this way any more. Now, in Autumn 2024, I feel more connected to the wood than ever. On a couple of occasions, I have suddenly had a new perspective of familiar things come to me and a small voice tells me, “this is from iboga; this is the wood speaking”.

The most striking example of this was when I was trying to expand the visible horizon in my mind’s eye. I saw a long streak that was reminiscent of a tree trunk and felt a small bubble on my brain. That worried me for a moment, but then many revelatory thoughts came to me, offering perspective on my life and relationships. These moments fade, but for weeks if not months afterwards they have an impact on my relationships, leaving me more patient, more able to express my desires, and more able to have love and empathy for those around me.

I think I’m now ready to commune more with the wood and hear not what I think it needs to tell me, but what it knows I am ready to hear.